A new start

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"Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." - Carl Bard

If you're reading this, maybe you've been around a long time, maybe this is your first time. But, like many people, I always feel a renewed sense of purpose in January and I am reminded that that feeling is what got me writing this blog 6 years ago this month. Wow, I can't believe it has been that long. My motivation for it has gone in and out over the years and life has taken me in other directions, but some things never change: I still like to write and I still love to cook.

I have several friends who said they are relieved that 2013 is over as it was not a great year. It was a rough end of 2013 for us for sure. I had some health problems, I got pregnant, we had a miscarriage, and I fell into a slump that lasted through the holidays. A pregnancy loss is such a hard thing to go through, physically and emotionally, and it has been a real roller coaster ride.

But I am feeling so good about the way things are now, about our little family of three and how we will be stronger for what we've gone through and I just know it's all going to be okay --better than okay. Some things just happen and they change the course of our lives. But good does come out of bad and peace can come from loss.

"Grieving for the child you have lost does not diminish the profound love for the one(s) you have."

This is something I read in a collection of essays on pregnancy loss called "A Silent Love" by Adrienne Ryan. It's something I can't stress enough. Friends, family, strangers, everyone has something to say when they find out you've suffered a miscarriage. And a lot of times it is something along the lines of "Well, at least you have one perfect child." I know they mean well and it's not an easy topic to discuss. But I want to make it clear that there is the love--boundless love it seems-- for the child you have and also profound gratitude. And then there is the love and hopes and dreams for the child you wanted and lost. The two are separate and each deserves its own space.

Our little girl is growing up and giving us so much joy everyday and every year. It's hard to believe the amount of love we have for her could keep increasing, but it does. Each new stage has its own set of discoveries and moments to savor (and challenges too), and I can't help thinking that there is a reason we have been given only one. She's our one and only. The ways that this has shaped who she is and who we are and the ways it will benefit her now and in the future are becoming clearer to me everyday. Our family is perfect the way it is.

I didn't know I was going to write about this today. I planned to write about the delicious granola bars I just made that have me wanting to mine the depths of all the recipes out there using nuts, grains and seeds, and how I have so many ideas about what to bake and cook these days. But there it is. I said it. And it feels good because I finally feel good.

I guess my renewed sense of purpose in the kitchen--and the fact that I chose something like wholesome grains, a feel-good granola bar, to get my creative process flowing--is no accident. And since this is getting to be long-winded, I'll save the recipe and photos for the next blog -- very soon.
Happy New Year and cheers to fresh starts. 

Thanksgiving 2013, the old and the new

I have been lucky to grow up in a family that loved and celebrated the holidays and instilled in me a sense of the importance of traditions. My mom would work her tail off cooking, baking and entertaining family and friends--all while working full-time and raising three kids--and somehow made it look easy. And although I may not have shown my appreciation then, I now find myself wanting to do the same things for my family. When I have the energy. That is once or twice a year.

This year I hosted my husband's family at my house. Every year we do something different for Thanksgiving, sometimes spending it with friends, sometimes at my in-laws' cabin. I hadn't done Thanksgiving at our home in East Nashville ever (is that possible?) so it was high time.

This turkey tureen from the 50s? belonged to my mom. 

I had a lot of fun preparing, baking and cooking. Mostly the baking.

I admit it. I went a little crazy with the pies this year. Not that I don't always go a little crazy with the pies (last year I think I made 8) but my oven broke at the end of the summer and it took me two-and-a-half months to fix it. I, mistakenly it turns out, thought this was a sign that it was time to buy a new one. We are planning to remodel our kitchen fairly soon, so I started to do some research and look at options. Then I found out that the ovens of my dreams cost between three and five THOUSAND dollars. I called the repairman instead.

With my oven back in action, I had pent up baking energy that needed to be released just in time for Thanksgiving. Since I love to bake, I usually end up doing the pies. Plus, I was also doing the turkey and a few other things too, so I started planning early.

Following in my mom's footsteps (she was an extremely organized planner), I set out all the serving dishes two days before with a note on what would go in them. Before you start making fun of me, and believe me I know it's crazy -- I used to make fun of my mom for this--but I realize now why she did it. Not only is it fun and it gets you in the spirit, but it allows you to see what you have and what you still may need. And then I go thrift shopping to find it. For example, I needed a gravy boat and a coffee server and found both at Goodwill, along with some cool little glass bowls for cranberries and a glass dish for apps. Score.

Organization overload?

Cool thrifted vintage Pyrex coffee carafe.

I decided to try some new things instead of the old standards, like a collard green gratin that is sure to reappear in future years. I was also inspired by a beautiful spread on non-traditional Thanksgiving pies in the November 2013 issue of Saveur magazine. I decided to try three of them. I love trying new things, especially when it comes to baking.

Instead of pecan and pumpkin I made a chocolate-ginger-chess and a pumpkin-maple brulée (in the end, though, the brulée part never happened but it was still delicious).

My secret to pie dough is in the combination of shortening and butter-- and I do it in the food processor so it's fast. But chilling --both the dough before rolling for at least an hour and the crust, in the shell and crimped, for about 30 minutes-- is the single most important way to achieve a pretty-looking pie.

The salted caramel apple recipe (adapted by Saveur from Four-and-Twenty-Blackbirds in NY) was the perfect combination of sweet and salty, fruit and spices and called for a teaspoon of Angostura bitters added to the apples. At first I thought this was strange, but it was actually genius. I had never heard of that but I'll be adding it to all future apple desserts.

I love the lattice crust, even though it made me have to think too hard when putting it all together. After making and filling the pie, the recipe calls for making a caramel on the stove top (sugar, water, butter and heavy cream) and then pouring it over the apples. If you think "that's overkill" or "it's not worth the extra work," think again. It was amazing. Then brush the crust all over with an egg wash and sprinkle both sea salt and Demerara sugar over the top. It's a dramatic pie that tasted as good as it looks.

Some traditions are meant to be broken. I don't think I'll host Thanksgiving again next year (my mom used to do it every year). It's soooo much work and maybe I won't have as much time on my hands as I did this year. But I will probably bring the pies.

This little girl got her own personal pumpkin pie. She ate so much of it she got sick. Oops!