Wanted: more fun.

It is hard to believe January is almost over. So far 2013 has been a bit rough around the edges.

We rang in the new year in our p.j.s on the couch, not even feeling festive enough to watch the ball drop on t.v. I came down with a nasty cold and went to bed after sharing one glass of Prosecco with my husband and two friends who stopped by. It was about as uneventful as a New Year's Eve could be, bringing to mind the last couple of them since having a child, equally calm and starting to look like a trend. It's not like I long for the days of partying in bars (well, I wouldn't mind going back to the times I spent December 31st in a ski resort ) but, in general, life has become more staid and less fun. Thus, I am making a commitment to myself and to my family this year to have more FUN.

That being said, we are not off to a good start. The week before Christmas the Parents Day Out program where we had been sending June two days a week for the last year and a half simply imploded. Our beloved teacher got fired under murky circumstances and what had been a lack of confidence in the school's director turned into full-fledged incompetence. So I do what I usually do when faced with a crisis: look for a way to solve it and move on. We fortunately found June a spot at the Montessori school in our neighborhood and we were lucky that she just barely made both the age cutoff and the no diapers cutoff (Yay! potty trained!)

Uncle Chris came to visit us for Christmas

After what seemed like an interminable holiday break (and a nice, quiet Christmas) and much talking up and preparing for the new school, her start date of Jan. 14th finally arrived. She went for just half day as they like to phase in new students slowly. She came home, took a long nap and woke up with a fever. Bummed, but optimistic her little immune system would prevail, I put her to bed early thinking she would be fine to go by the next day. But she wasn't. And not the next day either. She was sick. We juggled staying home with her and working, trading off according to whom had what to do.

On top of it, it was as gloomy last week outside as it was inside. No sun, rain turning to freezing rain (what ever happened to snow??) and then more of the same. For five days straight. Or it could have been more. I lost count. And it seems everyone I know is sick. Sick kids, sick parents, sick dogs.

We are better now, thankfully.  Everyone's healthy and ready to start a new week. We have the lunch basket ready to go and we will try this new school thing again.

And, in other hopeful news, there's a new baby across the street who came three weeks early but he's healthy and strong and our friends are doing well. I've been cooking for them and doing their laundry this weekend as their house is inconveniently under construction and they have no washer and dryer. I love cooking for people when they need the help, especially when it involves a new baby. I've been doing a lot of that lately. Babies are everywhere in our circle of friends and neighbors. It makes me realize we live in a wonderful neighborhood where everyone knows and cares for each other and our kids will grow up being friends. There are other places I'd rather live sometimes, but I know we have a great community here, good friends and a lot to be thankful for.

I am hopeful for this new year and the fresh start it allows me. I'm very excited for this next phase for June too --starting a 'real' pre-school, in a class with older kids where she'll be challenged and hopefully supported and loved everyday. And even though we are starting pre-school a little earlier than planned, she's ready for the challenge.

I'm also relieved because she will go to school an extra day per week which will give me time to... breathe. And maybe go to the gym again, get healthy, get back to my writing, look for new horizons, meet a friend for coffee, the options seem endless. I'm giddy at the thought of having one partial day to myself --no work and no mothering. Ahhhhhh.

Daniel has some new possibilities to grow in his career this year too. And my job is changing, evolving... but I continue to like the place and the people I work for. Sometimes it's too much and it's hard to get everything done and still find the joy in doing it. I've been too busy lately to look up and figure out if I love it anymore or if I am just going through the motions, like an uninspired-robot-pastry chef. Or whether I am living up to my full potential for a satisfying career and the right balance of work and motherhood. I intend to figure that one out too.

It's unlike me, I know, but I feel pretty optimistic lately. And, although we have our ups and downs like most people, there is so much love in our little house. Since she's been sick June has been extra snuggly and affectionate. When she throws her little arms around my neck, gives me kisses and says "Mommy?" Yes. "I love you," I want to melt and cry and thank my lucky stars to be where I am today. I know I complain a lot and I am the worst at finding the grass is always greener somewhere else. And that's when I look up at the mantra I copied years ago that sits on my desk and repeat it: "Be happy with the life you're actually living." 

Happy new year and--let's have more fun!

An afternoon at the ballet

The holiday season is already in full swing and I find myself with too little time and so much to do. Between working at the restaurant, trying to see friends and family, baking, taking care of a very active toddler and trying to find some time to write, it's no wonder the holidays are a stressful time of year.  But this weekend was also packed with fun: a home tour in my awesome little neighborhood with friends last night and then today, an afternoon to remember.

I received a very sweet gift from my in-laws of two tickets to see The Nutcracker ballet for me and June. I'm not sure if they knew how special this is to me. One of my fondest holiday memories (and there are lots of them as my family loved Christmas) is of going to see this traditional holiday ballet with my mom every year at Christmastime. We would get dressed up (usually in matching outfits) and I would be so excited to be going somewhere with my pretty mom for the day. My mom was a big proponent of dance and culture in our lives and also loved Christmas. I don't remember, but it must have been in college when I stopped going to see the Nutcracker every year. Still whenever I hear that familiar music, I think of my mom.

Now that I have a little girl there is nothing I look forward to more than carrying on these traditions with her. June has been in a ballet phase for some time now. She loves ballerinas and dancing and has three or four tutus that she rotates through. Almost every night after dinner she tells her daddy to play his keyboard and she puts on a tutu or her pink "princess dress" and twirls around the living room for us. "Mommy, I'm dancing so beautifully," she said one night. I was surprised to hear her say that but then remembered that she loves to watch the show Angelina Ballerina -- a little British mouse who loves to dance. That may be why she has been saying things with a British accent lately, like when I ask her if she has to go potty, "Not at all," or if she wants a snack, "Of course I do."

In any case, it's clear that dancing is in her blood (I am secretly cheering and so is my mom) and she was eagerly awaiting this outing to the ballet for the last week or so. She took an earlier nap than usual since we were going to the 2:00 show and when she woke up her cheeks were red and she could hardly contain her excitement. I told her we'd be putting on our pretty clothes (my girl also loves to dress up) and I dressed her in a white sweater dress that my dad gave her for Christmas last year. She looked so cute.

On the way there she was full of questions: "Where is the Nutcracker?" "Are all these cars going to the Nutcracker too?"  The first thing we did was take a photo with the 'real' ballerina. June was a bit hesitant to stand next to her and looks a little scared in the photo, but those girls look a bit like aliens from close up so I can't really blame her.

We found our seats which I was relieved to see were close enough that she could see everything, upping our chances of being able to stay for the whole performance. When it started she immediately asked me where the music was coming from and it was hard for her to understand that the orchestra was playing live but the musicians were under the stage so we couldn't see them. Then she asked me where the "real ballerinas" were. The ballet is set in the 19th century and in the first scene the dancers had on regular clothes instead of tutus, which threw her off. Also, why are there a bunch of little boys and girls dressed like mice running around? She seemed confused.

But enter the Snow Queen and then later, the Sugar Plum Fairy, and all of the other wonderful costumes and scenery in the Land of Sweets and her mind was put at ease that I hadn't in fact lied about this being "ballet." She smiled and oohed and seemed really enthralled --at least for the first act. She got a little tired and squirmy by the end of the second act but was a trooper and we didn't even have to leave early.

It was a great day. I felt closer to my mom doing that with June. It is so hard not to have her here, especially at this time of year and especially now that I have a child of my own. I want to give June the same kinds of memories that I have of my mom. She is old enough to be excited about Christmas this year and I am so excited to be starting my own traditions with her just like I had with my mom. Last week we had fun decorating the Christmas tree and she loves the little tree I gave her for her room with the tiny little ornaments that used to be on my little tree in my room as a child. We baked cookies together last week and will do more of that in the coming weeks. And now, we have our little afternoon at the ballet. This is what the holidays are all about.